I always make fun of my family because they’re nuts about traditions. It’s not Easter without an Easter-egg hunt (no one cares if you’re “too old” for it). It’s not a birthday unless we’re having your favorite dinner and someone’s made your favorite cake and there are M&M’s to eat. And it’s not Valentine’s Day unless you have a rose.

My dad has bought me a rose every single Valentine’s Day since I was an infant. Seriously.

He can’t use the Internet so he calls the flower people and talks to them about what my sister, my mom and I each might like. One year, he accidentally ordered me roses that you had to grow yourself. I killed them all, naturally, but it still counted. And even though I don’t care much for holiday hoopla (or any hoopla, for that matter)—no matter where I am or how old and crappy I get, my dad will always think I’m great. And that’s nice.

I think that’s why I don’t hate Valentine’s Day. There are plenty of things that are stupid about it*, but I still like it. I like it the same whether I’m spending it all by myself in my apartment or out with a boyfriend-type person. I know! You probably all thought I hated it and that my heart is a tiny speck and I’d melt if you threw water on me. But none of these things are true. Don’t throw water on me, you’ll mess up my hair and then I’ll fuck you up.

I like the fact that a day pops up in cold, stupid February where we all are collectively forced to remember that love actually is all around. That line’s from a movie.

It doesn’t have to be boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner vs. killyourselfbeacauseyou’resingle. Anyone in your life that you love and who loves you back COUNTS. I know we should tell everyone we love them every day, but we forget sometimes. I definitely do.

Things that are not stupid about Valentine’s Day:
—Your daily candy quota goes up considerably!
—Red is a great color on most skin tones
—Any excuse to treat yourself (fine leather goods, mimosas, etc.) is fun

Most days, everything’s shitty. Let’s just not be horrible for once.

*BONUS: things that are completely stupid about Valentine’s Day:
—Gender-specific roles: i.e. the man buys dinner and flowers and bullshit. The woman gets secretly mad if the man doesn’t do enough. Everyone loves surprises!
—Thinking gifts are necessary in the first place.
—The words: “someone special.” Puke.
—Making a big deal out of it if someone forgets Valentine’s Day—cut your person some fucking slack. If you’re waiting for her/him to make up for 364 days of being a total asshole, maybe rethink your life.
—Caring that you’re single on Valentine’s Day. There are a lot of people who love you, unless you’re the person who greenlit that crapfest Work It. Get over yourself and stop crying.
—Being aggressively anti-Valentine’s Day. If you scoff that it’s a Hallmark holiday, I’m going to say, “No shit” and continue stuffing chocolates in my mouth whilst dancing around my apartment in a red bra to the song Domino.