We’re all in the car, driving to a restaurant to celebrate my brother’s birthday.

“International Love” comes on, a song that features Chris Brown.

ME: Ugh. I love this song but I hate myself for it because Chris Brown is singing. (1)
FRANK: Everyone’s allowed to listen to Chris Brown twice a day, but that’s it. If you listen to him any more than that, then you need to feel bad about yourself. (2)
MOM: Who’s that guy again? Is he the one that’s married to Whitney Houston? (3)
MARY: No, he’s the one who beat the crap out of Rihanna. (4)
DAD: Rihanna is getting “Thug Life” tattooed on her hand. (takes one hand off the wheel and holds it up to show us exactly where) (5)

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1. My issue: Trying to be a responsible human but getting waylaid by infectious pop hooks.
2. My brother’s issue: Making up rules and loopholes to justify questionable behavior.
3. My mom’s issue: General confusion.
4. My sister’s issue: Always having to re-explain my brother’s and my conversations to my parents. Also: Pregnant. Constantly.
5. My dad’s issue: Where he’s getting all the pop-culture knowledge from? WHERE?!